Friday, April 16, 2010

I Am Disgusting!

That's right, I really do think I am at the moment. Here I am, typing on a blog that was meant to offer weight loss advice and tips to anyone who wants them, and I can't even maintain my loss. I mean just look at that pic above! That muffin top is enough to shame anyone, let alone how miserable and bloated I look. I've let myself get to a disgusting point again and it's time to crack down.

I think it all started around September. My daughter's birthday was fast approaching, as was the entire holiday season ranging from Halloween through New Years, and 3 more birthdays for our family. I was also looking to getting back in school. I was wore out and just wanted a break, so I took one. I did excellent maintaining until Thanksgiving. From there, I gained 10 lbs (in a day?! lol) and was never able to shed it. By that time I was 190. I fluctuated from the high and lower 190's through Christmas and the New Year. The last time my Wii Fit had a weigh in on it was February 5th, at 190 lbs. From then on, things went way down hill.

I think I quit caring. I think I just thought I could eat what I want. I wanted to eat what I wanted. I was tired of being a good girl, making good choices. The scale quickly reflected this new change. I kept hoping more and more that maybe it was a fluke, it'd go down, I'd exercise and it'd go down. The problem was, I never exercised. It never went down. Now I'm to the point I said I'd never see again. I left Onderland and am back in the 200. I'm disgusting.

Bust - 46"
Chest - 42"
Waist - 39"
Hips - 46"

Weight - 206

OUCH! That hurts to see, but it's the facts. And it's the reason that I am going to get this weight off. If nothing else, just to be happy with myself again. I constantly complain about how clothes look on me, to the point that my husband has gotten sick of hearing it. I'm up over 12 lbs from my last time I weighed on my scale. I feel fat and disgusting. I feel ashamed to go out looking like I do sometimes. I realize people don't judge you on your size all the time... especially the people you see regularly, but I still feel gross. I even feel so disgusting, I don't to take my clothes off for my husband. He doesn't care... but I do. Never mind how I always feel wore down and tired, which I didn't when I exercised regularly.

Instead of offering just advice, I'm going to start taking my own. I want to take this blog in a new direction and make it more personal of my struggles. I may throw in educational tidbits from now on, but really, I'm warning you, this is going to get personal. I'm going to go as far as offer up everything except me nude. (Trust me, you don't want to see that!) And that takes a lot of courage, so please try to keep the bad remarks to a minimum. I beat myself up enough as it is (according to my husband). But I will take any and all encouragement, good thoughts, and in general cheering on! I want to try to post as often as I can, so I can get all my thoughts and feelings out. Maybe, just maybe if I vent my mind, I'll vent my body! Either way, I'm going to kick my butt and I want to see results!!


  1. You go girl!!! You can do it!!!!!!!!!

  2. Beating yourself up won't help, but I completely understand. Just keep working hard and pay attention to what you are doing. I am struggling here too, but I keep forcing myself to be active...I hate exercise! You can do it! I believe in you and you are not disgusting. But you have to work that out for doesn't matter what others tell you.

  3. Wow, Jill! That is eye opening. I think that you are doing great. I personally have decided to stop worrying about my weight and focus on being healthy (although, I really need to work on my weakness - chocolate!) I think that the most important thing to do is try to be a healthy well rounded person. I have been frustrated with my weight, but instead of focusing on that I have been focusing on what I have accomplished. I cannot fit into my skinny jeans, but I can run 8 miles. That is something to be happy about:) When you excercise do something fun that you and enjoy and makes you happy. I love to run outside(treadmills suck!), hike, bike, walk and snowboard. So I have made those my primary excercises because I look forward to them instead of dreading them. Also I think that you are not disgusting you are a wonderful sweet and caring person. You are the mother of four and each minute that you did not excercise or stress about what you were eating was likely a moment you spent being a great mom! So don't stress about the past take it one day at a time and enjoy life! You are a blessed woman:)