That's right, I really do think I am at the moment. Here I am, typing on a blog that was meant to offer weight loss advice and tips to anyone who wants them, and I can't even maintain my loss. I mean just look at that pic above! That muffin top is enough to shame anyone, let alone how miserable and bloated I look. I've let myself get to a disgusting point again and it's time to crack down.
I think it all started around September. My daughter's birthday was fast approaching, as was the entire holiday season ranging from Halloween through New Years, and 3 more birthdays for our family. I was also looking to getting back in school. I was wore out and just wanted a break, so I took one. I did excellent maintaining until Thanksgiving. From there, I gained 10 lbs (in a day?! lol) and was never able to shed it. By that time I was 190. I fluctuated from the high and lower 190's through Christmas and the New Year. The last time my Wii Fit had a weigh in on it was February 5th, at 190 lbs. From then on, things went way down hill.
I think I quit caring. I think I just thought I could eat what I want. I wanted to eat what I wanted. I was tired of being a good girl, making good choices. The scale quickly reflected this new change. I kept hoping more and more that maybe it was a fluke, it'd go down, I'd exercise and it'd go down. The problem was, I never exercised. It never went down. Now I'm to the point I said I'd never see again. I left Onderland and am back in the 200. I'm disgusting.
Bust - 46"
Chest - 42"
Waist - 39"
Hips - 46"
Weight - 206
OUCH! That hurts to see, but it's the facts. And it's the reason that I am going to get this weight off. If nothing else, just to be happy with myself again. I constantly complain about how clothes look on me, to the point that my husband has gotten sick of hearing it. I'm up over 12 lbs from my last time I weighed on my scale. I feel fat and disgusting. I feel ashamed to go out looking like I do sometimes. I realize people don't judge you on your size all the time... especially the people you see regularly, but I still feel gross. I even feel so disgusting, I don't to take my clothes off for my husband. He doesn't care... but I do. Never mind how I always feel wore down and tired, which I didn't when I exercised regularly.
Instead of offering just advice, I'm going to start taking my own. I want to take this blog in a new direction and make it more personal of my struggles. I may throw in educational tidbits from now on, but really, I'm warning you, this is going to get personal. I'm going to go as far as offer up everything except me nude. (Trust me, you don't want to see that!) And that takes a lot of courage, so please try to keep the bad remarks to a minimum. I beat myself up enough as it is (according to my husband). But I will take any and all encouragement, good thoughts, and in general cheering on! I want to try to post as often as I can, so I can get all my thoughts and feelings out. Maybe, just maybe if I vent my mind, I'll vent my body! Either way, I'm going to kick my butt and I want to see results!!